Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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