whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dear god my vagina.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
