How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
