Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
