you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
