And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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