I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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