I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We're like a lot better than the average bears
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
