Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
