She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
