I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
