All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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