I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
