i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
