We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
