you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
