you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
