I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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