forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
should my penis look like a turkey
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
