I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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