yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
