rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
handjob tips. give me some.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
