Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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