Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
