Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
