Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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