margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
