I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
