Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
