How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
