I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
