Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
