I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
