i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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