You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
