I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
