im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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