You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
