Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
