why didn't you poke me back
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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