thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
