Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
