I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
