me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
