How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
