i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
