i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
