We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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