I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
