He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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